Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
