your room smells of hookers.
And success
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
