we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
