Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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