just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
