I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
