I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Randomize
