i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
