I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
