Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
