My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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