Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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