I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
