he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize