dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
