the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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