YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
