In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
