Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
