dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
