yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Randomize
