I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize