The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
