STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize