The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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