I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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