you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
