I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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