I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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