i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
