Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
