You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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