My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize