Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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