I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
