Plan B is the new Plan A
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Four minutes until I can fart!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
