You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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