i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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