Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
