party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
