Kiss
Puke
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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