oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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