I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
