I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
