he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
