Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
