The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
