Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
