she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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