ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
