Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
