How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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