she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Randomize
