If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
