Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He better not be in your backpack
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
