just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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