I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
