its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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