I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
