Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
