i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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