This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
