all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
