is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
