well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
